The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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