Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
