Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
