I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
