I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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