"it" just moved
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
