just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I believe in your delicious
If I die, sorry about rent.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
