so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
