I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You dont lie about slip and slides
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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