the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize