i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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