So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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