dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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