Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
