i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
