HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
