so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
