I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
