i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
