Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
