6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
50% drunk capacity currently
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
