We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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