The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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