Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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