you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
