there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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