So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Michael Bay diarrhea
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
