2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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