I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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