Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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