he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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