You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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