I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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