We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
