So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
