How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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