I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How's work?
Spinning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
