I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
