so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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