Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize