She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i think i have two assholes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
