miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
