I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
