My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize