i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
