Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
