I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
