omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
