what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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