i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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