About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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