i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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