there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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