I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
