This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You dont lie about slip and slides
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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