Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize