somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
