He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
