The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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