At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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