youre lurking in front of me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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