saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize