dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
