brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
