i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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