I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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