Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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