careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
