Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
