Are we in a gay sports bar?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
