You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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