R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
