I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
