Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
