She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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