i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
