mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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