It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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