even my farts smell like vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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