I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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