it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
