The beer is more important than you right now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
