and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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