If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
